Anticipation is growing, as is the anxiety we both feel. But we are determined to make this an amazing trip!
We've stumbled upon a few glitches, but I'm truly thankful to the people who are assisting us in China for what they have done to resolve said glitches.
The first was around the train tickets. First, let's set the scene... In 2009-2010, we hosted an exchange student from Hong Kong. I consider her to be my second daughter. All grown up now, she's the one who is there for me! She and her mom have gone above and beyond to help us out. Her mom booked the train tickets for us, taking her own time to go to the travel agent and negotiate the best tickets for us. One of my concerns was that I really wanted us to be able to have the soft sleeper seats (the trip is 10 hours) and I wanted our tickets together (our exchange student is coming with us, as is my BFF). If you buy 4 tickets, you can get them all together in the same room, provided there is room, and that's exactly what I wanted. And that's what she got us. Then she had to take more time, to go and book the return ticket (you can only book tickets 10 days ahead or later). Our plan had been to travel during the day so that we could appreciate the scenery. Unfortunately, the daytime train only has "hard seats", which would have been very uncomfortable for a 10 hour trip. so we decided to take an earlier overnight train instead. It's not exactly what we wanted, but in the end, I think it will be the most comfortable ride :-)
The other glitch is surrounding our visit with the orphanage staff. We had originally planned to take the orphanage staff out for lunch, along with the family who acted as our daughter's foster family. We had planned to retain a guide to help us navigate through all of this, but in our delay in retaining her services, someone else beat us to it and she will be elsewhere at the relevant time. Disappointed, we resolved ourselves to the fact that we would be fine because we had our exchange student with us. But then another friend also spoke up to help us, and we thought we'd be ok. I wrote a letter to the orphanage and had it translated into Chinese. Then I paid $70 to send it to the orphanage in China by courier so that I could track it. This was a few months ago. I did not hear from the orphanage, but was not overly worried as I knew that our friend would be checking in with them before our arrival, and I knew they had received our correspondence.
So our friend checked in with them... And they advised him, less than a week before our intended arrival, that we would not be able to meet with them without formal permission form the government who completed the adoption. My first reaction was to be upset. We had already abandoned any expectation of visiting the orphanage as we had been told that this orphanage no longer allowed it. So we were content to take the staff and foster family off site for a nice meal, so that we could chat and give them gifts. I was upset at having to jump through hoops just to be nice to them.
But then I reminded myself that China does things differently than Canada does. It is not up to me to judge how or why the Chinese Government does what it does. It is, however, up to me to respect the laws and regulations they have put in to place. And so I do.
We hope to be able to meet with the staff and foster family. But if we cannot, we will be thankful to be in our daughter's birth city, even if only for a couple of days. We will do the things her birthparents do, see the things they see, hear the things they hear and feel the things they feel. We may ride a bus they've ridden before. We may walk on the same stretch of road. We may see the same signs, or shop in the same stores as them. We'll never know. But one thing is for sure, we will truly appreciate the moments we get to spend there, take ridiculous amounts of photos, and make this a trip to remember.
We are so thankful to the people who are gathering together to help us on this trip. Maybe what goes around really does come around. It's days like this, I'm glad I emit the most positive Karma I can.
We leave in 30 hours. Hang on tight-it's gonna be a hell of a ride!!!
Monday, 5 November 2012
Saturday, 27 October 2012
11 Days-How this differs from last time...
We leave for China in 11 days…
I remember last time we were 11 days from leaving for China,
in 2008 when we traveled to adopt J. We
were excited but also anxious. Just
saying “we’re going to China” was so exciting.
We had packed and repacked, changed our minds a million times about
bringing this, that or the other thing.
While the excitement continued to mount, the pressure did too. Imagine the anxious days just before you
became a parent-those days when you wonder if your child will be born healthy
or not, how you’ll know what to do, how your life will change, who you’ll be
able to call on for help, how you will learn aaaaaaaaaall the things you need
to know how to do-change a diaper, feed your child, even how to hold him or
her- and all the other questions new parents ask themselves. Now combine that with the stress of having to
be in a foreign country as you try to answer all of these questions. Imagine if you’d had to leave for the
hospital knowing that you have to have to have everything you “might” need in a
suitcase that weighs less than 40 lbs.
And add to that the fact that your child could very well have eczema,
diarrhea, lice, fever, be teething, not like to eat, not like to drink with the
bottle(s) you've presented to him or her, be constipated, or a whole ton of
other issues that you’ll have to resolve from the items you've brought. Now up the ante-Imagine if everything you had
to bring for you, your spouse and your new unknown child for 2 ½ weeks had to
fit in 2 suitcases not exceeding 40 lbs each…
So THAT was stressful.
Now- how do I feel about our trip this time around? Let’s see.
Firstly, I already know the awesome, amazing, thoughtful, kind,
reasonable, sweet kid I’ll be traveling with (fully recognizing that my
descriptions of her are likely to change a bit-or a lot-during this trip), and
I also know her current excellent (knock on wood) health status. I know how to deal with her basic needs, and
I know what makes her tick (and ticked off! Ha!) and I can talk to her to
prepare her for what is about to come.
So in terms of uncertainty, I can focus on the real uncertainties a trip
of this kind exposes us to. We know this
will be a sensorial experience and a half!
The sounds, smells, images and physical sensations we will experience
will be so very different than they are at home. And isn’t that what makes a great trip?
So all that to say that I’m excited about being 11 days away
from our trip. And while I recognize
that it is likely to come with some pretty impressive challenges, this will
definitely be a very different experience than last time. I expect I’ll have to “think on my feet” a
lot more in this trip, and address issues that are much more emotional in
nature. But in the grand scheme of
things, that’s progress, isn't it? The
way I see it, it means that J’s basic needs are fully met. Once you can stop worrying about basic needs
and can move on to emotional fulfillment, you’re in good shape.
I know there will likely be tired and hungry tantrums,
emotionally overwhelmed meltdowns, and feelings of loss of control. But there will also be, I hope, feeling of
overwhelming joy, amazement and elation, as well as , if we’re lucky, one or
two moments of feeling that we are exactly where we should be. I still have the butterflies when I get to
say “We’re going to China”. So there are
definitely some things that will be exactly like last time…. J
Tuesday, 16 October 2012
Japan Airlines is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!
I found our flight in April, through the Kayak website, which directed us to book directly through Japan Airlines. The price we got was amazing, about half what we would have paid on a good deal on another airline. Our itinerary takes us through Chicago and Narita, on the way to Guangzhou, with lengthy layovers 19 and 15 hours) in Narita, which we are considering as an important part of the overall experience.
A month or two after I booked, I decided that we would be better off traveling later in the year, for a few reasons, including the weather in China, and working in a statutory holiday to extend our trip by a day. I contacted Japan Airlines by email, and was assisted by a lady named "Barbara", who was amazingly helpful and efficient. I was so pleased with the service I received at the time and right away, I felt that this was going to be a great trip.
I have been doing a lot of research on the Japan part of this trip, and had booked hotels in Narita for our layovers (traveling with a 5 year old for 40 hours, I can see us REALLY looking forward to being horizontal). One of the websites I stumbled on in my research said that if you have a layover in Narita, you should check if your airline offers complimentary accommodations. So I did a bit more research and saw that in rare circumstances, Japan Airlines provides complimentary hotel accommodations if you have an overnight layover, but it was not a common occurrence. So I thought-let's see what happens if I email them and ask. So I did.
Within 24 hours, I had an email back from them, this time, from a lady named "Samalyna", confirming that she had booked us into their private airport hotel, including a free shuttle between the hotel and the airport! All for FREE!!!! See? Sometimes all you need to do is ask!!! This was not in the fine print anywhere, nor was it indicated on my ticket or their website. Which is smart, really. But I want to shout it out on the roof tops, because I seriously am amazed with how awesome Japan Airlines has been to deal with!
I must admit, I am a bit worried about the flight. Being a bit on the chunky side, and knowing the seats on JAL are a bit narrower than what I am used to, I am concerned that I may be VERY uncomfortable during this long flight. I am also worried as I have heard that they maintain their planes at a very warm temperature (and I am always hot on a good day!). I wish we could afford to upgrade to Premium Economy (or even 1st class! Wouldn't THAT be a dream come true!) but I can honestly say that the goodwill they've shown so far is putting me in a very positive receptive mood going into this. I have also heard their flight attendants are some of the greatest in the world and that their in-flight customer service is incredible. We are pretty easy travelers to accommodate (we are always polite, respectful, kind and appreciative) so we hope that we will be able to make them as happy to serve us as they will make (and have made) us.
Thankfully, J is a really great traveler. She is a really easy going kid, and as long as she eats (but limited sugar) and sleeps, she is perfect to deal with. Thankfully, she sleeps anywhere and eats easily if I plan her snacks well.
I had also sent some other questions to JAL at the same time as the hotel enquiry, with regards to where to check in (our 1st leg is on a partner airline) and whether our luggage can be checked right through to Guangzhou or if we had to collect them in Narita. She answered everything fully and clearly. I can't imagine interacting the way I have with JAL with any other airline. But maybe I'm just used to the service we get with Air Canada (I never complain, as that's not my style, but when you have something to compare to, you appreciate amazing service so much more).
So thank you Japan Airlines. I hope our flight will be as impressive as your service has been so far. I really expect it will be, because you have shown yourself to be an airline which prides itself in delivering outstanding customer service. Bravo, well done!
I will blog about the flight as soon as I can, to let the internet world know if Japan Airlines are as amazing in flight as they are online.
So seriously-if you are looking to travel anywhere in Asia, check out Japan Airlines. They DESERVE your business. How often can you say that?
Three weeks from tomorrow..... :-)
UPDATE: In case you'd like to know how it felt to actually travel with Japan Airlines, see this post. Here is the excerpt from it relating to JAL:
"So all in all, the trip was an amazing success. I reiterate that Japan Airlines is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! Their staff was the most wonderful staff I have ever met. Prior to the flight, they all gathered around the attendant's desk, welcoming passengers on board with a collective bow prior to them boarding the aircraft and starting our boarding. I was over my carry-on allowance, but instead of telling me I had to check some of it, THEY HELPED ME CARRY AND STORE IT! They were so attentive. During the entire flights (even the 12 hour one), we were never more than 5 minutes without seeing an attendant as there was always one pacing in the aisles. They refilled my water bottle with ice water too many times for me to count. And on our flight back, when I was looking for something new for J to play with in the middle of the night with my bag near the emergency exit, one of the approached me (I thought she would tell me to move away from there, and in a way she did, but so delightfully) and she asked if I would like to come to the kitchen area where there was more light. She closed the curtain so as not to disturb anyone with the light and then entertained J until I found what I was looking for. Finally, they gave J a gift on every flight (a metal plane that she could assemble herself, sticker games, etc). Oh wait-there's more! The Food! OMG, the food was incredible. Smartly, I had ordered children's meals for J, so that we had more variety to choose from if there was something we didn't like. Instead we liked EVERYTHING! Especially the delicious Haagen-Dazs ice cream they provided on every flight!!!"
I should also mention that although I couldn't check my bags all the way (as a result of the Narita-Guangzhou portion being more than 24 hours from my check-in time), when I got to Narita, a JALemployee helped me get my bags, went to get the appropriate tags and retagged them before I left he airport for Tokyo, so that I wouldn't have to carry them around during my 19 hours in Tokyo. She was so nice and friendly. And on the way back, in Chicago, another JAL employee helped me with my bags again, even helping me go through the items I had bought at the airport in Tokyo as I needed to go though security again. He helped me put my liquids and utensils in my luggage before taking my luggage over to the luggage cart so that I didn't have to walk all the way over with J and all of our carry-ons and he helped me figure out where I needed to go. They were absolutely incredible. JAL rocks!!!!
A month or two after I booked, I decided that we would be better off traveling later in the year, for a few reasons, including the weather in China, and working in a statutory holiday to extend our trip by a day. I contacted Japan Airlines by email, and was assisted by a lady named "Barbara", who was amazingly helpful and efficient. I was so pleased with the service I received at the time and right away, I felt that this was going to be a great trip.
I have been doing a lot of research on the Japan part of this trip, and had booked hotels in Narita for our layovers (traveling with a 5 year old for 40 hours, I can see us REALLY looking forward to being horizontal). One of the websites I stumbled on in my research said that if you have a layover in Narita, you should check if your airline offers complimentary accommodations. So I did a bit more research and saw that in rare circumstances, Japan Airlines provides complimentary hotel accommodations if you have an overnight layover, but it was not a common occurrence. So I thought-let's see what happens if I email them and ask. So I did.
Within 24 hours, I had an email back from them, this time, from a lady named "Samalyna", confirming that she had booked us into their private airport hotel, including a free shuttle between the hotel and the airport! All for FREE!!!! See? Sometimes all you need to do is ask!!! This was not in the fine print anywhere, nor was it indicated on my ticket or their website. Which is smart, really. But I want to shout it out on the roof tops, because I seriously am amazed with how awesome Japan Airlines has been to deal with!
I must admit, I am a bit worried about the flight. Being a bit on the chunky side, and knowing the seats on JAL are a bit narrower than what I am used to, I am concerned that I may be VERY uncomfortable during this long flight. I am also worried as I have heard that they maintain their planes at a very warm temperature (and I am always hot on a good day!). I wish we could afford to upgrade to Premium Economy (or even 1st class! Wouldn't THAT be a dream come true!) but I can honestly say that the goodwill they've shown so far is putting me in a very positive receptive mood going into this. I have also heard their flight attendants are some of the greatest in the world and that their in-flight customer service is incredible. We are pretty easy travelers to accommodate (we are always polite, respectful, kind and appreciative) so we hope that we will be able to make them as happy to serve us as they will make (and have made) us.
Thankfully, J is a really great traveler. She is a really easy going kid, and as long as she eats (but limited sugar) and sleeps, she is perfect to deal with. Thankfully, she sleeps anywhere and eats easily if I plan her snacks well.
I had also sent some other questions to JAL at the same time as the hotel enquiry, with regards to where to check in (our 1st leg is on a partner airline) and whether our luggage can be checked right through to Guangzhou or if we had to collect them in Narita. She answered everything fully and clearly. I can't imagine interacting the way I have with JAL with any other airline. But maybe I'm just used to the service we get with Air Canada (I never complain, as that's not my style, but when you have something to compare to, you appreciate amazing service so much more).
So thank you Japan Airlines. I hope our flight will be as impressive as your service has been so far. I really expect it will be, because you have shown yourself to be an airline which prides itself in delivering outstanding customer service. Bravo, well done!
I will blog about the flight as soon as I can, to let the internet world know if Japan Airlines are as amazing in flight as they are online.
So seriously-if you are looking to travel anywhere in Asia, check out Japan Airlines. They DESERVE your business. How often can you say that?
Three weeks from tomorrow..... :-)
UPDATE: In case you'd like to know how it felt to actually travel with Japan Airlines, see this post. Here is the excerpt from it relating to JAL:
"So all in all, the trip was an amazing success. I reiterate that Japan Airlines is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! Their staff was the most wonderful staff I have ever met. Prior to the flight, they all gathered around the attendant's desk, welcoming passengers on board with a collective bow prior to them boarding the aircraft and starting our boarding. I was over my carry-on allowance, but instead of telling me I had to check some of it, THEY HELPED ME CARRY AND STORE IT! They were so attentive. During the entire flights (even the 12 hour one), we were never more than 5 minutes without seeing an attendant as there was always one pacing in the aisles. They refilled my water bottle with ice water too many times for me to count. And on our flight back, when I was looking for something new for J to play with in the middle of the night with my bag near the emergency exit, one of the approached me (I thought she would tell me to move away from there, and in a way she did, but so delightfully) and she asked if I would like to come to the kitchen area where there was more light. She closed the curtain so as not to disturb anyone with the light and then entertained J until I found what I was looking for. Finally, they gave J a gift on every flight (a metal plane that she could assemble herself, sticker games, etc). Oh wait-there's more! The Food! OMG, the food was incredible. Smartly, I had ordered children's meals for J, so that we had more variety to choose from if there was something we didn't like. Instead we liked EVERYTHING! Especially the delicious Haagen-Dazs ice cream they provided on every flight!!!"
I should also mention that although I couldn't check my bags all the way (as a result of the Narita-Guangzhou portion being more than 24 hours from my check-in time), when I got to Narita, a JALemployee helped me get my bags, went to get the appropriate tags and retagged them before I left he airport for Tokyo, so that I wouldn't have to carry them around during my 19 hours in Tokyo. She was so nice and friendly. And on the way back, in Chicago, another JAL employee helped me with my bags again, even helping me go through the items I had bought at the airport in Tokyo as I needed to go though security again. He helped me put my liquids and utensils in my luggage before taking my luggage over to the luggage cart so that I didn't have to walk all the way over with J and all of our carry-ons and he helped me figure out where I needed to go. They were absolutely incredible. JAL rocks!!!!
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
Four weeks and counting...
We leave for China 4 weeks from today.
A combination of excitement and nervousness/anxiety has set in.
As far as our planning goes, I have worked an awful lot on our budget, as it is extremely tight. I have now added the Chinese and Japanese exchange rates, and sectioned out what I will need, and where.
At this point, our trip into Tokyo (from Narita) is likely to be cut. It is sad but true. This is disappointing, but I'm more ok with it than I thought I'd be.
Now that we have our passports and travel visas, the only "official" document left to prepare is Hubby's permission for us to travel abroad without him. Then, all the official stuff will be done and I can stop having nightmares about leaving and having forgotten to prepare these all too important documents!
We've also started to pack. We have a bin where we put anything and everything that we want or need to bring with us, so that we don't forget them.
It's coming so quickly... but at the same time, still feels so far away...
A combination of excitement and nervousness/anxiety has set in.
As far as our planning goes, I have worked an awful lot on our budget, as it is extremely tight. I have now added the Chinese and Japanese exchange rates, and sectioned out what I will need, and where.
At this point, our trip into Tokyo (from Narita) is likely to be cut. It is sad but true. This is disappointing, but I'm more ok with it than I thought I'd be.
Now that we have our passports and travel visas, the only "official" document left to prepare is Hubby's permission for us to travel abroad without him. Then, all the official stuff will be done and I can stop having nightmares about leaving and having forgotten to prepare these all too important documents!
We've also started to pack. We have a bin where we put anything and everything that we want or need to bring with us, so that we don't forget them.
It's coming so quickly... but at the same time, still feels so far away...
Sunday, 30 September 2012
38 days and counting...
We leave for China 38 days from today.
I am at the point now where I have to temper my emotions when I think of the trip. If I let myself get carried away, I quickly realize that one of my most amazing dreams is about to come true and I get overly excited. My heart starts racing and I get butterflies in my stomach. I then start thinking about how it will feel to be there, and I get overwhelmed. I have to tear myself away from my thoughts or else I just might start crying tears of joy (the ones that will inevitably come once I am jetlagged, tired and finally in China)...
And then, I start thinking about the after-trip. I freak a little when I think of how I will feel when the trip is over and it's time to come home. Can you say devastated? Wow... I expect that leaving China will be one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Last time we were there we had a really difficult time leaving China, but we looked forward to getting home to the comforts of home with our new baby. This time, that won't happen... We know what life is like at home (and truthfully, it is awesome! but we know we will long for China once we come back). So leaving China will be tough, and I am ridiculously thinking about it now, when I should be thinking about the excitement of the trip, not the fact that it will eventually come to an end.
At this point, our preparations are as follows: We have a China box, in which we place anything we're planning to take with us. It is allowing us to start packing things we won't need for the next month, and that we plan to take with us. Everyone laughs at me because right now, it contains mostly Kleenex, toilet paper and antibacterial wipes. Oh, and Halls Cough Drops. Lots of them. That is the one thing that we wished we had brought more of last time.
The planning stage is in full force now. We have our Travel Visas, and we sent a letter by courier to our daughter's orphanage (in English and in Chinese) this week, inviting them to meet with us when we travel to their City. We have no idea whether they will respond. We had intended to use a guide, but she is not available on our travel dates, and there seems to be a shortage of guides in our daughter's particular area. So we will be bringing a friend who speaks Mandarin and Cantonese and hope for the best. Yikes!
So the countdown continues and the anticipation mounts! :-)
I am at the point now where I have to temper my emotions when I think of the trip. If I let myself get carried away, I quickly realize that one of my most amazing dreams is about to come true and I get overly excited. My heart starts racing and I get butterflies in my stomach. I then start thinking about how it will feel to be there, and I get overwhelmed. I have to tear myself away from my thoughts or else I just might start crying tears of joy (the ones that will inevitably come once I am jetlagged, tired and finally in China)...
And then, I start thinking about the after-trip. I freak a little when I think of how I will feel when the trip is over and it's time to come home. Can you say devastated? Wow... I expect that leaving China will be one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Last time we were there we had a really difficult time leaving China, but we looked forward to getting home to the comforts of home with our new baby. This time, that won't happen... We know what life is like at home (and truthfully, it is awesome! but we know we will long for China once we come back). So leaving China will be tough, and I am ridiculously thinking about it now, when I should be thinking about the excitement of the trip, not the fact that it will eventually come to an end.
At this point, our preparations are as follows: We have a China box, in which we place anything we're planning to take with us. It is allowing us to start packing things we won't need for the next month, and that we plan to take with us. Everyone laughs at me because right now, it contains mostly Kleenex, toilet paper and antibacterial wipes. Oh, and Halls Cough Drops. Lots of them. That is the one thing that we wished we had brought more of last time.
The planning stage is in full force now. We have our Travel Visas, and we sent a letter by courier to our daughter's orphanage (in English and in Chinese) this week, inviting them to meet with us when we travel to their City. We have no idea whether they will respond. We had intended to use a guide, but she is not available on our travel dates, and there seems to be a shortage of guides in our daughter's particular area. So we will be bringing a friend who speaks Mandarin and Cantonese and hope for the best. Yikes!
So the countdown continues and the anticipation mounts! :-)
Saturday, 29 September 2012
Xiangjiang Safari
I just found out today that there is a zoo/safari very close to where J and I will be staying in Guangzhou. This is ridiculously exciting, and J and I will be keeping ourselves busy during the day.
The Xiangjiang Safari has tons of Pandas, and the largest number of white tigers in the world. It has zebras (yay!) and monkeys, and about another 396 species...
We will also be going to the Chimelong Circus, so we just may come back with a trained and caged animal overload....
39 days!
The Xiangjiang Safari has tons of Pandas, and the largest number of white tigers in the world. It has zebras (yay!) and monkeys, and about another 396 species...
We will also be going to the Chimelong Circus, so we just may come back with a trained and caged animal overload....
39 days!
Friday, 28 September 2012
Afterthoughts on the Visa post...
I have done a lot of thinking after I posted yesterday.
I've realized that the reason I am upset with the cancellation of J's passport is simple. As I mentioned yesterday, when J became a Canadian citizen, amid the celebration, it bothered me that we were having to make this decision for her. It sure would be nice if we could allow her to choose her preferred citizenship when she's older. But at the same time, when she was granted her Canadian citizenship, there was no physical proof of her renunciation of Chinese citizenship. This cancellation of her passport is exactly that. It is the physical proof that she is no longer a Chinese citizen. And that is, no doubt, why it bothered me so much.
One of my work colleagues thinks I am being overly sensitive about this. I have to beg to differ. I think it's important for me to realize how this factors in the loss my child has experienced. Is she happy and healthy in Canada and in our family? Of course. Is she better off in a family in Canada who loves her than growing up in an orphanage in China? Probably. But I think this is an erroneous comparison when discussing the loss a child has experienced in the adoption process.
The true comparison is between a child who grows up with her birthparents vs a child who grows up in an adoptive family. As a family created by adoption, I can proudly say that our child does not want for anything. She is loved and cared for, happy and healthy. We are good, loving parents, and we do all we can to create and maintain a good understanding and connection to her birthculture. But that doesn't mean that she has not experienced loss. No matter how good the adoptive family is, an adoptive child has, necessarily, by the very nature of the act, experienced loss. In our daughter's case, loss of her birthparents, the nannies at the orphanage and her Foster family. Loss of her culture, her language, the foods she ate, the smells she liked and the sounds by which she was comforted. She has lost her citizenship, and her country. Has she gained a truckload of things in the process? Of course! But does this extinguish the loss she has experienced? Absolutely not!
As J's mom, I now have to choose how I will deal with all of this. I can deny the loss and spend my life trying to convince J that she is better off where she is now (as most of the entire world will invariably try to do), or I can recognize the loss she has experienced and let her know that I am there for her when she needs to think, cry, or talk about it. I can wait for her with a warm, comforting mommy-hug and a huge dose of "it's ok for you to feel like this and I'm here for you". I choose the latter.
Good night my little (forever) Chinese-Canadian Princess... I'm here for you. Always.
I've realized that the reason I am upset with the cancellation of J's passport is simple. As I mentioned yesterday, when J became a Canadian citizen, amid the celebration, it bothered me that we were having to make this decision for her. It sure would be nice if we could allow her to choose her preferred citizenship when she's older. But at the same time, when she was granted her Canadian citizenship, there was no physical proof of her renunciation of Chinese citizenship. This cancellation of her passport is exactly that. It is the physical proof that she is no longer a Chinese citizen. And that is, no doubt, why it bothered me so much.
One of my work colleagues thinks I am being overly sensitive about this. I have to beg to differ. I think it's important for me to realize how this factors in the loss my child has experienced. Is she happy and healthy in Canada and in our family? Of course. Is she better off in a family in Canada who loves her than growing up in an orphanage in China? Probably. But I think this is an erroneous comparison when discussing the loss a child has experienced in the adoption process.
The true comparison is between a child who grows up with her birthparents vs a child who grows up in an adoptive family. As a family created by adoption, I can proudly say that our child does not want for anything. She is loved and cared for, happy and healthy. We are good, loving parents, and we do all we can to create and maintain a good understanding and connection to her birthculture. But that doesn't mean that she has not experienced loss. No matter how good the adoptive family is, an adoptive child has, necessarily, by the very nature of the act, experienced loss. In our daughter's case, loss of her birthparents, the nannies at the orphanage and her Foster family. Loss of her culture, her language, the foods she ate, the smells she liked and the sounds by which she was comforted. She has lost her citizenship, and her country. Has she gained a truckload of things in the process? Of course! But does this extinguish the loss she has experienced? Absolutely not!
As J's mom, I now have to choose how I will deal with all of this. I can deny the loss and spend my life trying to convince J that she is better off where she is now (as most of the entire world will invariably try to do), or I can recognize the loss she has experienced and let her know that I am there for her when she needs to think, cry, or talk about it. I can wait for her with a warm, comforting mommy-hug and a huge dose of "it's ok for you to feel like this and I'm here for you". I choose the latter.
Good night my little (forever) Chinese-Canadian Princess... I'm here for you. Always.
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